simplicity? Nope

I knew I shouldn't have done the relationship thing.  A fling would have been nice I really hate the attach part.  Sometimes it is nice but if there I knew if I had a slight problem then maybe I shouldn't.  GOD!  I freaking hate me some days!  I am so weird.  My mind!  So I had the worst boyfriend ever and then a little time later (the shortest time really) and he does everything and says everything perfect.  But I, the perfectionist, sees his life (so much less than perfect) and my stomach gets butterflies from hell.  Are my feelings trying to tell me something?  I am only 20!  I am not getting married and I think within the next year or so I can finally be certain to say that I am not getting married.  (I can only think of one person I would actually marry but he and I are never to happen)  I am positive I never want kids (again only with that one person).  I read that kissing is really important...the song said, "It's in his kiss."  It is a long story but it makes me wonder about the us in me and my current boyfriend.  I am so picky.  I think it is because of the one guy I think of when I dream about getting married or having kids.  The problem is that its not really him I dream about its the idea of him (though I love the good and bad about him I mean I really love his imperfections they seem like perfections to an extent.)  Perhaps this isn't the best place to be venting this here.  I am watching Sex and the City and writing this....this is definitely not the time nor the place.  I know what I want out of my life that is not the problem is here. 
I guess my current question is for this journal here,
Is it okay to know what I want to the utmost beautiful simple detail?

Also,
What is love?